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Mother-Daughter Secret Code Words...

Do you argue with your siblings? Do your children argue with their siblings? We all have... but how do these sibling relationships and other friendship problems affect a young persons self-esteem? Think about how your parent/child relationship affect the young adults in your home.

As a parent, your influence will affect their ideas, values and beliefs. Todays 30A VYBZ #balance topic is about family connection and strengthening the bond - specifically how you can implement a codeword to improve communication with your teen or tween.

Keep scrolling for this important tip that even someday save your child's life.

Corinthians 6:19-20 – “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

It can be hard for a tween to chat with their parent(s) – or anyone – about a tricky subject like bullying or even worse, being in a scenario where they feel ashamed. A private 'code word' may help him/her to talk when they are feeling anxious or uncomfortable.

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Parents need to listen without judgement

Read that a second time, and let it sink in. Maybe even read it again... Parents need to listen without Judgement. Often times, this age group will tell a little white lie and the reason they do so it frequently because they want to stay "connected" to you. The ideal environment for you to create for your child is one where you are not judgmental and you can hold your child's perspectives in view & maintain reasonability.

Teens and tweens can find themselves in scenarios that they didn't choose to be in, or that have turned very awkward or uncomfortable for them and even causing them to feel mis-placed guilt. Putting them in a situation to choose between protecting their friends and social status vs an adult from knowing about it can create an internal struggle for them. if your child is confident in their relationship with you, they will feel more confident to bring sensitive issues to you.

Using a codeword for dealing with problems

Many professional teen psychologist suggests creating a fun and unique codeword that you and your child can use to create an open and honest conversation with you regarding common tween/teenage problems or when he/she wants to talk about a sensitive issue. Situations when codewords come in handy include:

• Doing badly at school

• Attending a party where there are drugs or alcohol

• Being touched inappropriately

• Developing problematic eating habits

• Sexting (70.9% of tweens have encountered sexting)

• Being teased or harassed

• Relationship advice

• Having feelings hurt by a family member or friend

Developing a shared, private codeword or phrase with your child could strengthen your relationship by preventing communication issues and allowing you to help them when they need it most. Let them know that they can can call or text you and use your codeword whenever necessary, even if away from you and as a code from you to come help them.

Tip: You can even encourage older siblings to create codewords as well!

In his book Raising Girls, psychologist Steve Biddulph suggests aunts, older sisters, or female adult friends can play significant roles in girls’ lives as trusted confidantes.


Choosing and using a codeword with your teen/tween:

For the code to work, there are a few guidelines you should both agree! Sign up for our next #balance article with 30A VYBZ to see our guidelines and more tips for creating a better parent/child relationship using a #codeword.


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